*This post was actually written in December of 2010. I just never posted it to the site. In order to get the full story please click here.*
This past weekend, I took myself on a much needed personal retreat to an ashram about an hour outside of Dallas. It was just the place I needed; secluded, in the middle of nowhere, no tv, no internet, no urban life, no distractions, no reminders of my daily life and it was affordable.
One of the main things, that I attracted me to the place was the spiritual energy that surrounded it. This was not just a retreat center where people go to relax, but rather a spiritual hub where other yogis and spiritual teachers have come for the benefit of helping others and working out their own karma.
I left the place renewed and rejuvenated and re-focused on what I needed to do spiritually. I had looked into myself to see the mistakes I had made and received instruction on what I needed to do make them right. I had my spiritual commitments and everything. I was ready.
While there, I was able to converse with another individual that, too, had in some way been connected with an organization that I recently decided to follow. This individual did not say or do anything to discredit or discourage me in anyway, but I felt compelled to do more research on an organization that I thought was the place for me and its founder. I did this TODAY.
After reading the websites and researching, I feel as though I'm back to square one. Its hard for me to stay in place that has such negativity. I don't know what to do or where to go. This could be the result of not having a living guru. This probably should have been a red flag to me, when I found out that the guru of this organization, stated that there would be no guru after him (although after the research, I've done I'm questioning whether or not he said that in the first place).
Not saying that its not possible to learn from a dead guru, but for me having to read books and lessons still leaves intrepretation up to me. It leaves with the responsibility of trying to figure it out. Which most would say isn't that better, isn't it better that you would have to look to yourself to think things through. I would say yes as long as you're not me.
I'm always thinking, analyzing, over analyzing, questioning, doubting. I need to be guided by an individual that knows where to take me, that knows my destiny. I need a living guru.
One of the main things, that I attracted me to the place was the spiritual energy that surrounded it. This was not just a retreat center where people go to relax, but rather a spiritual hub where other yogis and spiritual teachers have come for the benefit of helping others and working out their own karma.
I left the place renewed and rejuvenated and re-focused on what I needed to do spiritually. I had looked into myself to see the mistakes I had made and received instruction on what I needed to do make them right. I had my spiritual commitments and everything. I was ready.
While there, I was able to converse with another individual that, too, had in some way been connected with an organization that I recently decided to follow. This individual did not say or do anything to discredit or discourage me in anyway, but I felt compelled to do more research on an organization that I thought was the place for me and its founder. I did this TODAY.
After reading the websites and researching, I feel as though I'm back to square one. Its hard for me to stay in place that has such negativity. I don't know what to do or where to go. This could be the result of not having a living guru. This probably should have been a red flag to me, when I found out that the guru of this organization, stated that there would be no guru after him (although after the research, I've done I'm questioning whether or not he said that in the first place).
Not saying that its not possible to learn from a dead guru, but for me having to read books and lessons still leaves intrepretation up to me. It leaves with the responsibility of trying to figure it out. Which most would say isn't that better, isn't it better that you would have to look to yourself to think things through. I would say yes as long as you're not me.
I'm always thinking, analyzing, over analyzing, questioning, doubting. I need to be guided by an individual that knows where to take me, that knows my destiny. I need a living guru.
