For the past few weeks, I've been reading a subtly inspiring book called Writing Yoga: A Guide to Keeping a Practice Journal by Bruce Black. I had no idea what to expect. I thought it would be a more practical book just giving me exercises to do in my Yoga journal, but it turned out to be much more.

I love writing and journaling. For some reason, I'm able to get a little closer to being honest with myself, getting down to the "nitty gritty" of me as I like to say. And with my new found yoga "high" this book was heaven sent. Combing two of my loves writing and yoga (at least at the moment ;-) Both are spiritual in so many ways and Mr. Black makes that connection is in book.

Writing Yoga is the combination of one man's spiritual journey into the consistent practice of Anusara yoga and how keeping a journal allowed him to not only continue that journal but give it more depth than he could have imagined. Although the book is filled with actual journal exercises, I came became engrossed in Mr. Black's story, at how profound going through the asanas of Anusara were so much more than just poses. They were gateways to understanding life...his life. It is from this book that I have begun to see the journey as more than just a way to purify one's body and get in shape, but rather the stepping stone to this game called life and more importantly the first door to open on the spiritual journey. I love this book so much. I can't wait to purchase my own copy (I obtained the book through the wonderful inter library loan system at my university) and add it to my collection of books that have inspired me to keep going.

Mr. Black's book came at the perfect time for me. Yes I was on my Yoga high, but it was dwindling. My spiritual mojo was dwindling. I was stuck in a place of what to do, what did I need to do. Should I do everything? Japa, meditation, asanas, pranayama? Should I just start with one, a combination of two or  three? Or should I just do nothing? And his book allowed me to recall a realization I made myself after reading Awaken about the body...that asanas, that starting with the body is a must. Not only because it houses the soul, but just like the home is the basis for our lives the body is the physical manifestation of home for the soul. As such, what happens on the mat and in or with our bodies is representative of what goes on in our lives.

The book is filled with so many personal accounts, quotes and actual journal entry's of Mr. Black. He gives an excellent account of the different steps he went through and the lessons that he learned. Even though I'm sure there were many more that he learned, the themes- which are the names of the chapters- are lessons that are universal to everyone. Themes that everyone will learn or needs to learn in order to truly gain the benefits of a consistent asana practice. Themes such as "Listening to Your Voice", "Opening Up", "Awakening to the Connections" and "Finding Your Balance."

One of my favorite chapters was "Just Sitting." It was my favorite because it shed light on a huge challenge or obstacle to overcome for myself on this spiritual journey...just being. In the "Just Sitting" chapter, Mr. Black explains that challenge-in many cases overwhelming challenge- that comes for most of us in simply sitting. We think that all we have to do is cross our legs and lay our hands on our knees. But sitting is much more involved then we think. Sitting is stillness of the body, but it is confrontation with the mind, confrontation with ourselves. And I don't know about you, but that's pretty scary. Being and confronting oneself the good, the bad and the ugly is THE most hardest thing to do in the world. Who wants to look at all the bad, all the flaws, mistakes, and just outright negative things about oneself? But Mr. Black explains that this is a good thing. In facing oneself, especially the bad and the ugly, one gains understanding and with understanding comes acceptance and after acceptance comes peace. He doesn't necessarily explain it in that manner but that's how I read...those are thoughts and connections I made within myself while reading this chapter. Now it didn't make me want to be like "yayy let's start sitting" "woohoo for seeing my bad side...let's do this" or anything, but it helped to give me perspective on why "sitting" is so important on the spiritual path.

There are so many things, insights, reflections and anecdotes that I love about this book. It has helped to fuel my desire to practice Yoga and truly progress through the 8 limbs of Patanjali's Yogic system. It will be a book that I will continually pick up for the rest of my life. And needless to say I have to start doing the journal exercises for my own yoga journey ;-)

 

 

I strongly encourage ANYONE and EVERYONE who is thinking of starting a daily asana practice or taking up the practice of Yoga in-depth and allowing your asanas to speak to you in more ways than one to pick up this book.

You can also find Mr. Bruce Black continuing to give tips, advice and sharing his lifestory about writing and yoga on his blog www.journalpractice.wordpress.com. I know I will be checking it out from time to time.

If you do decide to pick up this book, let me know what you think of it :-)



 

For the first time in years-other than a beginner's Baptiste vinyasa class I did years ago- I went to an actual yoga class at an actual yoga studio! Yeah I know. It was a 90-minute long Classical Hatha Yoga and Meditation class held at a local yoga studio in Laramie (name to be disclosed later ;-). I was nervous about going. I had no idea what to expect how many people would be there, what level everyone would be at or what the instructor would be like. It was complete darkness to me. I was originally supposed to go with a friend and colleague of mine, but due to our lives as grad students she was unable to make it. But instead of backing out, I decided to go anyway and I loved it!

It was completely and I mean completely different from what I'm used to practicing at home, the style of it was different, the speed and the combination of poses was completely left field for me. And OMG, the Suryanamaskar was a different speed, style and combination of poses-way too fast for my liking and compared to what I do at home. My initial thoughts were like "whelp I won't be coming here anymore" but for some reason after progressing through the whole hour and a half of practice-which went by faster than blinking my eye- I found myself wanting to come back. Really feeling like this is what I need. A challenge, a push and a place outside my home with help from a professional to do that.

Our instructor appeared to be around my age if not younger, but who knows - yogis tend to look younger than what they really are and despite that it really doesn't matter and I found a yoga instructor who had been certified at 16!!! (sorry for the rambling, energy is flowing). You could tell she knew her stuff too as she called each pose by its sanskrit name and only referred to it in english if we had these "what is that?" looks on our faces. She was awesome. She had me getting into or at least attempting to do poses that I had either one never heard of or two never tried like dolphin pose or makarasana, camel pose or ustrasana and fish pose or matsyasana. But the most shocking of all was headstand or a variation of it. I believe its called salamba sirsasana its a headstand but you are balancing and using your forearms to hold you up. When she announced this my first thought was here comes the laughing and the falling. But luckily, there was one other student who hadn't tried it either and our instructor eagerly assisted us in getting into the pose. My initial thoughts of fear and embarrassment quickly dissipated before she even got to me and instead I was filled with acceptance of myself and reassurance that as long as I keep on this path, I will be able to do salamba sirsasana on my own.

 

*Here's a pic just for reference at how scared and intimidated I was.

That is huge for me as I'm the worry-wart type that is always putting pressure on myself to perform and perform at a level that is beyond the average individual. The fact that one I had the thought of acceptance of my novice level in asanas and that two the original pressurizing thoughts quickly dissipated is huge for me and my spiritual walk.

Needless to say I loved the class and look forward to going back every week, alone or accompanied.

*Be on the lookout for a new post each week naming the Asana of the Week that I'm learning. As well look for future posts on the Asanas that our included in my daily practice and the classes I take*

 

 

 

 



So I'm back at again. Back on my yoga high, but this time I think it may be for real like for serious this time ;-) Or at least I will actually improve and progress in this round...I decided to make a video instead of a typical written blog post. Figured I'd change things up (not really I was kind of being lazy too). I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

 

 

This morning I started my first day of my whole Yoga and C25K program. And today was Purnam Yoga day, the style of yoga that my spiritual master created and taught me. In watching the home videos that I made for myself just in case I fell off the yoga wagon and needed a refresher I noticed that I learned more than one form of Suryanamaskar or Sun Salutation in Purnam Yoga. One I was taught to me by Acharya Shree and the other was a form I learned while doing asanas with Siddhali Shree. And then there was this crazy version that I formulated sort of unconsciously while practicing at home.

This morning though, I decided to try doing Suryanamaskar the way I did with Siddhali Shree. After 6 rounds of Suryanamaskar, Vriksasana or Tree Pose, Trikonasana or Triangle Pose, and a few sitting postures, I didn't feel as relaxed or calm as I usually do when I do my "own" version (whatever that is). This wasn't a bad thing. My thoughts...ironically...didn't start going in the direction of "my" version is  better, but rather I had the realization that Yoga or rather asana practice is flexible. And I don't mean in the obvious way. There are so many different Yoga styles, modifications and practices that it inherently allows for so many variations. And what does this mean for someone like me or anyone for that matter? That it is porous and flexible allowing for any individual to cater whatever style or asanas they've learned to themselves and there's totally nothing wrong with that. Asana practice allows for one to go through a posture as fast or as slow as they want or need. Asana practice allows for you to combine and perform whatever postures YOU need WHEN YOU need them.

It's not rigid or strict in that sense (its only strict in actually practicing consistently). And this is what I love. Even further I love how even more FLEXIBLE yoga is when I practice at home. This is where I really have the freedom to sit or relax into a posture for however long I need to without the calm voice of an instructor. I am my instructor. I am in control of what my body does and for how long. I love that I can take as much time as I feel my body needs to just breath and sink even lower into downward dog or relax in child's pose and oh my gosh tree pose is my favorite. I can allow myself to become balance and grounded even more through taking the time to slow my breath, relax my shoulders and allow my body to feel all the effects and benefits that comes from tree pose.

I love yoga. I love its flexibility. I love the awareness its brings to me of my own body and consequently myself.

There was once a time in my life where I felt so sure, so confident of the direction my life would take. I was excited, eager, ready, passionate, enthusiastic, willing and looking to finally walk in the direction that I was looking for.

Over the past 2 years, that direction has been muddled by a lack of clarity, confusion, doubt, doubt, uncertainty, obstacles, realizations and did I mention doubt?

I feel like I'm back to square one. Unsure of what I should do, what direction to take and when to take it? I'm not sure if this is normal for a 25 practically 26 year old who is about to graduate or for anyone who is about to finish something major in their life. Like the typical 22 year old graduate asking themselves will be a career, grad school, law school, medical school or just bumming? Or the older graduate finishing up their thesis or dissertation? Or if its just a pre-existential crisis? Or anyone realizing that out of the 25 almost 26 years they have been on this earth 20 of them have been spent in school. Over 2 decades of my life has been spent in school, learning, constantly learning and reading and reading some more, preparing for a life, another school application, scholarship or grant or a job that I don't even know what job it is yet? I mean 2 DECADES!!! That's over 75% of my life and mind you I can't remember anything before the age of 13.

I will be 30 before I know it. I'm at the age where I'm no longer young any more so I can't make too many mistakes, but I'm young enough that there are still possibilities. There's SOOOO much that I want to do that I thought I would be doing by now. First there was the Ob/Gyn thing, then the Foreign Service Officer for USAID thing, then the Yoga Studio/Spiritual Retreat Center thing, then the ESL Teacher Abroad thing (I really really want to travel and this provided finances and a valid excuse to do so ;-), then the go live in India for a while travelling from spiritual site to spiritual site on a lifelong spiritual pilgrimage and now the go live off the grid and just do whatever I want thing. And factoring the spiritual element just complicates things even further. Should I devote my life to a spiritual pursuit? I mean regardless of your beliefs, whether you believe in one life or many, should any life be wasted on something, anything frivolous? Anything that doesn't contribute to your spiritual upliftment? And if it should be dedicated to only spiritual pursuits what does that look like exactly? I mean people try to make the argument that everything you do throughout the day can be turned into a spiritual moment or activity.

But come on seriously, how easy and how many actually can do that 100% of the time while attempting to pay bills, maintain a household, a job, stay out of debt, cook food, be there for your family, maintain your physical health through proper diet, exercise and hygiene, and if you are married maintain the happiness of your spouse without thinking about them doing the same for you or worrying or expecting them to be just as concerned about your happiness as you are there's (I mean ego would more than a field day in this scenario) and then if you have children...I don't know how would you raise a life and maintain your spiritual balance and progress 100% of the time for the REST of your life. I mean you have to raise a life and be responsible for every aspect of that living being, EVERY ASPECT. Seriously?!?!?! I'm pretty sure there are some extraordinary individuals that can pull all of that off and still further themselves on the spiritual path, but I'm not that person. I don't have that strength or will power in me.

So what do I do? What should I do? I'm at a crossroads in my life where I need to decide my future. Deep down in my soul I know I have time to figure things out, but then I can't afford to waste any more time if that makes sense. I have to figure what I want the rest of my life to look like? Who do I want to be? What impression do I want to leave on the world? Who do I want in it? What direction do I want to take? And when do I make the necessary moves to make whatever vision I'm finally able to come with a reality?