So first off I decided to go to the gym and seriously begin changing my physical health. I did a 5 minute warm up walk on the treadmill at about 3.5 and then jogged for 30 minutes at about 4.5 and then did a few weights ie bicep curls, this rowing machine, leg extensions and leg press. Then I had to cut it short for Bible study.
I walked into Bible study excited as ever to hear the word (I think this may have been in part to the extra endorphines coursing through my veins from the workout) but in either case I was happy that I made it there.
He was discussing the last chapter of Ephesians. Although it took him a while to get there he did. He said a lot of things that truly touched me tonight. Even though I wasn't jumping up down, clapping frantically, or screaming at the top of my lungs, I was truly moved (i'm not the type of person to do those type of things, not saying there is anything wrong with that, to each their own). One of the main things that really hit me was the simple message of fighting the good fight. I know many people have heard this several times, but it touched me because he used in reference to his own life. How in his life he continually gave and gave and people continually took and took and never gave back. This is like the story of my life. How I feel each and everyday and still do at this very moment. When I realized how I was being taken advantaged of, I did what you're not supposed to do....shut down. He states that in the midst of it all you keep giving and you keep giving because in the end through all the criticism and all the hating, as long as I continue to walk with God, I will enter into my celebrations. Unfortunately, for me I didn't hear this message soon enough.
I shut myself down to feeling any type of emotions for anyone, friends, family and dudes. To the point where I don't know when something or someone good has come into my life. I don't know how to act or how I should react or whats even natural for me, because I have worked on concealing my emotions and keeping myself from getting attached to someone for so long.
Now that I want to live my life and all the pleasures AND pains it has to offer....I don't know what to do...I feel like a paralyzed person who is trying to walk for the first time. I'm afraid that I may lose out on some very special people in the process. It scares me even more so to realize that I have already lost out on some people because of it....
If you are that person or persons that I have shut out or am shutting out...I'm sorry...and I hope that you won't give up on me....
I walked into Bible study excited as ever to hear the word (I think this may have been in part to the extra endorphines coursing through my veins from the workout) but in either case I was happy that I made it there.
He was discussing the last chapter of Ephesians. Although it took him a while to get there he did. He said a lot of things that truly touched me tonight. Even though I wasn't jumping up down, clapping frantically, or screaming at the top of my lungs, I was truly moved (i'm not the type of person to do those type of things, not saying there is anything wrong with that, to each their own). One of the main things that really hit me was the simple message of fighting the good fight. I know many people have heard this several times, but it touched me because he used in reference to his own life. How in his life he continually gave and gave and people continually took and took and never gave back. This is like the story of my life. How I feel each and everyday and still do at this very moment. When I realized how I was being taken advantaged of, I did what you're not supposed to do....shut down. He states that in the midst of it all you keep giving and you keep giving because in the end through all the criticism and all the hating, as long as I continue to walk with God, I will enter into my celebrations. Unfortunately, for me I didn't hear this message soon enough.
I shut myself down to feeling any type of emotions for anyone, friends, family and dudes. To the point where I don't know when something or someone good has come into my life. I don't know how to act or how I should react or whats even natural for me, because I have worked on concealing my emotions and keeping myself from getting attached to someone for so long.
Now that I want to live my life and all the pleasures AND pains it has to offer....I don't know what to do...I feel like a paralyzed person who is trying to walk for the first time. I'm afraid that I may lose out on some very special people in the process. It scares me even more so to realize that I have already lost out on some people because of it....
If you are that person or persons that I have shut out or am shutting out...I'm sorry...and I hope that you won't give up on me....
