I’m Changing…
India is forcing me to change…
As I was riding back from an amazing late
lunch at Little Italy in Jaipur, I realized that I am not the same person
anymore…I’ve changed.
I no longer see things the way I used to
anymore…Or rather I do actually SEE things now…I don’t know exactly how to
explain it.
I’m like an observer to my life, to my
emotions, to my thoughts and yet I’m still the doer, the actor that
orchestrates them…But there is a subtle difference to how I react and perceive
what is happening…
I say all of this because I thought I was
still the same person and today I realized I am not. When the officials at the
Foreign Registration Office told me that the documents I had brought to them
were not valid in their district, I became mad, sad, angry and desperate like
most people probably would. But this time was different. I allowed myself to
feel what was happening to me and I accepted my emotions as genuinely apart of
who I am, but at the same time I knew this was not me. And instead of letting those emotions grow to
the point of overwhelming me…I let them dissipate. I knew they were there, but
it was like the observer side of me was informing the actor that it was okay.
Things like this happen, go ahead and cry and then try to enjoy the rest of
your day.
It was kind of weird…but relieving…
This thought process has been going on for
the past few days…I get sad or lonely and then the observer comes out and
doesn’t allow for me to dwell….And I’m glad it does, because if it hadn’t I
wouldn’t have enjoyed my full course Italian meal or appreciated the coolness
in the air from the monsoon rains of Jaipur and I wouldn’t have been grateful
for the driver that took me to my late lunch and waited for me despite me
telling him not too…I wouldn’t have been cordial with him as he was telling me
about the other foreigners he has driven for and I wouldn’t have been perfectly
content and happy to look at his service book after dropping me off and most
importantly, I wouldn’t be enjoying the beautiful sounds of the light raindrops
and thunder while typing this very blog post to share with all of you…
I’m changing, not dramatically or at the
speed of light, but subtly and gradually I’m changing…
I’m changing for the better…
