"No one can teach you how to see."
                   -Neytiri, character from Avatar







Yes, I did quote a line from a movie, but let me explain. I have a group of movies that may not be deliberately spiritual in nature, but they evoke and remind me of my personal spiritual motivations. And Avatar is one of them. You may be wondering what in this movie could spark me in any kind of way. The first of which is this line.

In the movie, a human, Jake Sully, obtains an Avatar body and goes into their "world" so to speak. While in the forest or jungle or whatever you want to call it, he is attacked by animals, but is saved by Neytiri, a native. Now, although, Jake may look like a native, he is unable to truly act as one. Neytiri criticizes him and calls him a baby wandering around making trouble because he cannot see. Patronizingly, Jake says well teach me and above is how she responds.

What do you mean you can't teach someone to see? As long as they have eyes that function why not?

Neytiri is speaking of seeing not with the physical eyes. She is speaking of seeing from your heart, from your soul. This is what I want to do.

I want to be able to see with my heart with my soul. These physical eyes deceive me everyday and are unable to help me "see" the connection that I have with nature, will all living beings. With them I can only see what's on the surface. I can see the leaves and how green they are, but I can't see the eternal energy that lies beneath. The flowing energy within all living beings that flows between us all. My physical eyes are unable to tap into that.

I have always been drawn to nature and its creatures. Ever since I was little, I've always wanted to have some sort of a pet or play outside. As I grew this fascination with the earth has followed me in different forms. I have so much empathy for homeless animals and peoples, any abused or mistreated animals and humans alike. It has even carried over into my spiritual practices. I don't mind doing my sadhana inside, but for some reason feels more....natural for me to do it outside. I just feel oneness or something when I do.

But I know this feeling whatever it is, is only superficial. I want it to be deeper....so realized in my being that my physical eyes will be "opened." This is one of the many things that Avatar   reminds me of anytime I watch it.

I want to be able to see with my soul.

Being.....What does that mean? How do you DO it?


As you can see from many of my previous blog entries, I have been on an emotional, spiritual roller coaster for months now (with typically spending a lot of time and the bottom). Thanks to all the many spiritual teachers I have out there (whether you know it or not), I'm slowly beginning...not to pick myself back up, because that would imply getting better, becoming happier. No I'm slowly beginning to just....BE. I know longer try to be happy, try to be Suzy Sunshine. I'm simply attempting to be present.


Remember my blog "The Cycle of Life" where I discussed how life will always have its ups and downs and that you must see the beauty in it all??? Even though, it clicked for me then, I didn't REALIZE it until now. I'm beginning to appreciate the downs and truly see the beauty in it all. I don't wake up in the mornings saying to myself I'm going to be happy today or that no matter what I'm going to smile. Instead, I wake up and just start doing what I need to do.


I know there will be good days, bad days, good hours, bad hours, good moments and bad moments. I just have to let them come in whatever form they choose. The only thing that I can do in my attempt at being is UNDERSTAND them and how does one understand them by simply BEING. I know confusing right?!?!?! Like what in the world? It's a cycle, a balancing act like all of life is. I will attempt to explain how to understand your emotions by simply being and doing nothing.


During one of my breakdowns over Spring Break, I decided that all of my goals, all of the little things I tried to do to be "better" were not working. I came up with so many different goals and many lists to accomplish these goals. When things got bad, I decided to come up with a positivity wall to help me be happier and make it through the bad times. Now when I use "I," I'm referring to the mind here. My mind was coming up with all these different ways that I could be happy, be positive and avoid the sadness and depression. The mind was, not Soul, not God. And as we all know, the mind is constantly doing things and as such the mind is not who we really are.


Like my spiritual master, Acharya Shree Yogeesh says, "the mind is like the surface of the ocean. It is always rocking, swaying and moving, but it is in the stillness of the deep ocean that we find ourselves, that we find God." For Christians, this would resonate with many verses in the Bible or Apocrypha such as, "The Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood… and I am there, lift a stone… and you will find me" or "Be still and know that I am God." We, as in our true selves, simply exist. God simply exists. Neither of which is this drone that has to constantly be doing something. God, Soul exists. God, Soul simply ARE. So when needing the answers to life problems or simply needing to get through life's problems, we must imitate our Soul, we must look to God as an example in just existing and being.


So I went outside and just sat there, I didn't engage in any of the thoughts that popped up or actively try to unravel them. Instead, I just let them play out like a movie. Just waiting for them to end and give me their message. At many times, I wasn't even watching them because I was enjoying just being outside listening and feeling the winds rock my body and touch my skin. I'm not sure exactly how long I sat there, but after a while of patience and not engaging, the answers I needed finally came up in the movie. By simply being, by simply sitting outside and being aware of my thoughts without engaging in them, the answers came.


I wasn't trying to DO anything and I was prepared to just sit there without anything coming to me and enjoy just sitting outside without thinking or doing anything. So out of that session, one of my answers was awareness. I won't go into detail about awareness here, rather you can check out the blog that I dedicated completely to it. Awareness was what I did, by not engaging and just watching. Just watching and being aware will allow for me to understand, feel and find the source of my emotions. I don't have to actively, ask myself "why am I mad?" "who made me mad?" "where is this coming from?" "how do I stop it?" Instead, I can simply be and be aware and the answers to all of those questions that I was forcefully asking myself will be answered from being.


So now we have successfully, I hope, progressed from knowing how to understand emotions from just being and being aware to "how do we be?" This is the most basic yet most challenging concept....MEDITATION!

Meditation is like the doorway to....anything.  Meditation is being in a relaxed state where you simply do nothing and be in the present. There is no thinking involved no force or energy exerted. You are simply sitting there being in the present moment of relaxation. Meditation can be applied to all modes or activities of relaxation such as walking or even writing. Meditation is anything that allows you to be relaxed and in tune to the present moment, where no active thinking is involved. You don't necessarily have to sit in a special place, that is nicely decorated with spiritual decor. You just need to be relaxed and present.


Now for many the special place is appealing and is the only way to get meditation in during our busy lives. I do have a "special place" for meditation and all my sadhana, but for me, it is not my special place that permits me to go deeper, but the simple act of sitting that allows me to do that. It's even better for me when I can sit outside in the sun surrounded by nature and just be.  


With that, I think we've covered it all. So go out and find out what is the best activity or way that you can just be for just a few minutes a day. Whether it is writing, walking, painting, singing, or just sitting, the sooner you are able to find what truly allows you to just be in the midst of your "doing" day, you can begin to live in the present moment.

Awareness.


For some this may seem like a blanket term. If you have been on the spiritual journey or seeking, I'm sure you've heard this in a talk or read this in a variety of books. On my path, I've seen it in books, read it on blogs and heard it on YouTube videos. I've even had my spiritual master talk to me about awareness and how it can help me on my spiritual journey.


But it wasn't until I sat down in meditation TODAY that I truly understood its importance for a spiritual seeker.


I have been battling with anger for quite some time now. I have had so many days where I'm peachy keen one minute and literally within hours one little thing could set me off. It's gotten better but no where near being over.


So today after a nice day at the park, my dog, Lexi, and I arrive back at the house. Usually as I open the screen door she is already in front of me ready to come in. But in this particular situation she is standing at the door as if she debating between turning around or walking forward. And for a split second I asked myself why is she doing this? is something wrong? I didn't pay heed to my questions. Instead, I commanded her to come inside. And BAM! What happens? She pees on my carpet.


Now luckily, I did not go berserk, but I did punish her for what she did after I promised myself that I would never do that again.


So, in meditation, as I'm asking myself through my mantra and mala, "why does this keep happening?" "why do I keep getting mad at her?" "how can I stop it?" a flashback from the moment before entering the house, when Lexi is hesitating, appears. It was in that moment that I truly understood how invaluable awareness is.


Had I been paying attention to her behavior or just waited a little longer, she may have turned around and peed in the yard. Or if I had listened to soul talking to me through the questions, I would have waited and maybe sent her to the front yard instead of making her go in the house. I wasn't paying attention. I wasn't aware.

Awareness is a simple yet powerful tool that cannot only help one deal and overcome their emotions, especially one's such as anger and frustration, but it can also aid in allowing you to develop intuition. By being aware of those moments, when you quickly dismiss questions or those little pauses in yours and others actions, you can learn to trust in yourself. To pick up on the faint voice which is soul trying to guide you.

Now I know, awareness isn't skill that can be picked up overnight, but it is something that you can learn to do with efforts. That's what I plan to do. To start listening to the little split second moments when soul is trying to tell me something and paying more attention to things that are happening around me. By doing so, I will gain complete awareness. An invaluable tool to tackle anger and progress on my spiritual path.