It's officially been 36 days since I decided to make the effort to recommit to my spiritual journey and if you've read my previous posts you should know how the first 30 days went. Now I'm into my fifth week I guess, but I'm not sure whether I should continue under the umbrella of the "30-100 Days Challenge" any longer. I say this because I challenge usually entails you picking one thing or several and sticking to them for a designated length of time. Challenging yourself to be disciplined and committed to the task at hand. What I'm doing now couldn't be farther from that. Primarily because I don't want this to only last for certain period of time, but for the rest of my left. Secondly, I'm not necessarily challenging myself to try a new practice or picking one thing to focus for a certain time. I'm attempting to incorporate life lessons and life practices for...my life. To practice and live for the rest of my life. Maybe I can still call this a challenge, but instead deem it the "Lifelong Challenge" instead of 30-100 Days??? The jury is still out on that one.
Regardless, I will report on what Week 5 of whatever this is now was like for me...
Surreal. Calm. Happy. Bouts of Random Laughter. Peace. Acceptance. Surrender. Trust. Relief. Release...
These words describe my week. I continued with my active surrender,but for some reason this week it lead to more action. I had asana sessions 3 times which considering that Saturday is a rest day and I get 3 days off as a "ladies holiday," this was the exact number of times I was supposed to practice this week. I was so elated! Unexpectedly of course ;-) But more importantly, is how I felt while I was on the mat those 3 times this week. I pushed myself in a way I never have before. And I think it paid off. I sweat and I slightly groaned, but in the end as I lay in savasana, it felt like I let something go. Like I was shedding something. It was great and I was happy to be on the mat. I didn't have to push or work so hard to get on my mat this week either. Progress perhaps?
I continued with my constant engagement of devotional practice throughout each day as well. This time including spontaneous urges to recite mantras while sitting in my car waiting to go into an interview or while cleaning around the house. It was quite lovely. I can't remember a time where I laughed and had so many moments of peace, joy and laughter at home, by myself, in a material worldly environment.
But more interesting than that, all of my prayers were answered this week or most of them; the big ones rather. I've been praying to God for the strength, courage and confidence to continue walking on my path, to learn to trust and have faith in God, in myself, Soul. I must admit though along with that I have also been praying for material things as well. Such as a job for the summer and a teaching job for the upcoming school year. I was beginning to get anxious as I've now applied to 20 school districts and only one had contacted me. If you know me personally, you now how much of a worry wart I am and how I'm always scared and nervous that nothing will pan out and I will be left struggling to survive. Why I have no idea? I truly think its embedded in my DNA. My current situation was only fueling that anxiety.
For the first time in my life, I had no idea when or where my next paycheck was coming from. I had limited funds that were dwindling, no job and bills continually coming in. I was freaking out (my best friend, Jess, could probably go on for hours about how I needlessly complained). My cell phone bill is due next week which would have taken out a huge chunk of the funds I had left over. I prayed to God to give me the faith to carry on. I prayed that God would give me a job and if not, give me the strength to accept it and do what I could to assuage the situation. Within one week, this week 5, I not only interviewed with Old Navy and landed a job, but the temp service I'm registered called about a short term 1-2 weeks assignment to start immediately. I also received news that I had passed the New Teacher Quality Selection Event I attended and was invited to a Hiring Event this past Friday.
The temp service allowed me to miss Friday so I could attend the event. Friday morning, I got dressed and was on my way. I checked in looked at the list of tables I would sign up with for an interview. There were so many schools needing teachers. This comforted me...at first...until I looked into the crowd and saw the number of teachers in the stands. I prayed again, but this time I asked God to instill in me the strength, courage, confidence and energy to wow these principals and be myself; so that I could get offered a job on the spot, but also to give me those very same traits to continuing pursuing education if I did not. I looked at my list that had the schools, their table numbers and their vacancies to formulate a strategic plan of action to get as many interviews as I could where I wanted.
It was now time for me and all the other elementary teachers to go on the floor and sign up. I rushed down the stairs and was on my way. Next thing I new I had 5 minutes left. I made my way to my last few tables. I had signed up for roughly 8 interviews for the day. I made it to table B-5 where I thought I would be signing up for a 1st grade teaching position. To my surprise their 1st grade position required the teacher to be able to instruct in Spanish as well as English. The only vacancies I could apply for were 3rd and 5th grade ESL positions, positions I wasn't particularly fond of. I dropped off a resume anyway, but couldn't sign up because that table was full. I left to sign up somewhere else. Before I knew it someone was calling my name.
I looked around and it was the principal at B-5. I walked back. The principal began talking to me and wanted me to stop by her table. All of the time slots she had, I had already filled with someone else. She insisted that if I finished early to try and stop by. I said yes and left again. I heard my name again. It was the assistant principal calling me back over to B-5. I went and ended up having a short, no more than 5 minute conversation at B-5 and before the time was called for us to stop signing up for interviews, I had an offer to serve as a 5th Grade ESL teacher. I was completely taken aback. I hadn't even interviewed and I had a job....Was this real? Was this really happening replayed over and over in my mind?
Although I didn't necessarily want to teach those grades, for some reason while talking to the 2 women and reflecting on the experience, it felt right, it felt natural, as if this was where I was supposed to go, as if this was God answering my prayers, as if this was the direction and place God was leading me. I couldn't say no. So at 10am on Friday, June 21, 2013. I not only had a temp position where I would get paid the next Friday, but I also had an opportunity to take on a part time position at Old Navy (which I ended up turning down) and a permanent, salaried position teaching to begin in August.
My bills would be paid, I could fill up my pantry and now start making plans to pursue my dreams, pay off loans, save for future travelling trips and more. Needless to say a HUGE burden was lifted from my shoulders. I was saved. I no longer had to worry about how I would get the money to pay my bills, to have gas or to buy food. I no longer had to worry what I would do for money anymore. I no longer had to worry. Everything was given to me.
The moment I left the building the Hiring Event was housed in and got in my car. I screamed. I screamed again. I screamed so much and so loud that I could feel my vocal chords going raw and the onset of hoarseness coming my way. I couldn't believe it and still don't. Once I finally settled back at home. I couldn't stop smiling and looking up to the sky. I couldn't stop humming a random silly tune and saying thank you while closing my eyes. I was at peace and happy for the first time in a really, really long time. Even as I'm writing this the day after, I think I'm dreaming. It was too good, too easy to be true...right? But it was and it is. God answers prayers. Things do happen. Dreams can come true. Peace can be obtained. You only need to actively surrender...
Regardless, I will report on what Week 5 of whatever this is now was like for me...
Surreal. Calm. Happy. Bouts of Random Laughter. Peace. Acceptance. Surrender. Trust. Relief. Release...
These words describe my week. I continued with my active surrender,but for some reason this week it lead to more action. I had asana sessions 3 times which considering that Saturday is a rest day and I get 3 days off as a "ladies holiday," this was the exact number of times I was supposed to practice this week. I was so elated! Unexpectedly of course ;-) But more importantly, is how I felt while I was on the mat those 3 times this week. I pushed myself in a way I never have before. And I think it paid off. I sweat and I slightly groaned, but in the end as I lay in savasana, it felt like I let something go. Like I was shedding something. It was great and I was happy to be on the mat. I didn't have to push or work so hard to get on my mat this week either. Progress perhaps?
I continued with my constant engagement of devotional practice throughout each day as well. This time including spontaneous urges to recite mantras while sitting in my car waiting to go into an interview or while cleaning around the house. It was quite lovely. I can't remember a time where I laughed and had so many moments of peace, joy and laughter at home, by myself, in a material worldly environment.
But more interesting than that, all of my prayers were answered this week or most of them; the big ones rather. I've been praying to God for the strength, courage and confidence to continue walking on my path, to learn to trust and have faith in God, in myself, Soul. I must admit though along with that I have also been praying for material things as well. Such as a job for the summer and a teaching job for the upcoming school year. I was beginning to get anxious as I've now applied to 20 school districts and only one had contacted me. If you know me personally, you now how much of a worry wart I am and how I'm always scared and nervous that nothing will pan out and I will be left struggling to survive. Why I have no idea? I truly think its embedded in my DNA. My current situation was only fueling that anxiety.
For the first time in my life, I had no idea when or where my next paycheck was coming from. I had limited funds that were dwindling, no job and bills continually coming in. I was freaking out (my best friend, Jess, could probably go on for hours about how I needlessly complained). My cell phone bill is due next week which would have taken out a huge chunk of the funds I had left over. I prayed to God to give me the faith to carry on. I prayed that God would give me a job and if not, give me the strength to accept it and do what I could to assuage the situation. Within one week, this week 5, I not only interviewed with Old Navy and landed a job, but the temp service I'm registered called about a short term 1-2 weeks assignment to start immediately. I also received news that I had passed the New Teacher Quality Selection Event I attended and was invited to a Hiring Event this past Friday.
The temp service allowed me to miss Friday so I could attend the event. Friday morning, I got dressed and was on my way. I checked in looked at the list of tables I would sign up with for an interview. There were so many schools needing teachers. This comforted me...at first...until I looked into the crowd and saw the number of teachers in the stands. I prayed again, but this time I asked God to instill in me the strength, courage, confidence and energy to wow these principals and be myself; so that I could get offered a job on the spot, but also to give me those very same traits to continuing pursuing education if I did not. I looked at my list that had the schools, their table numbers and their vacancies to formulate a strategic plan of action to get as many interviews as I could where I wanted.
It was now time for me and all the other elementary teachers to go on the floor and sign up. I rushed down the stairs and was on my way. Next thing I new I had 5 minutes left. I made my way to my last few tables. I had signed up for roughly 8 interviews for the day. I made it to table B-5 where I thought I would be signing up for a 1st grade teaching position. To my surprise their 1st grade position required the teacher to be able to instruct in Spanish as well as English. The only vacancies I could apply for were 3rd and 5th grade ESL positions, positions I wasn't particularly fond of. I dropped off a resume anyway, but couldn't sign up because that table was full. I left to sign up somewhere else. Before I knew it someone was calling my name.
I looked around and it was the principal at B-5. I walked back. The principal began talking to me and wanted me to stop by her table. All of the time slots she had, I had already filled with someone else. She insisted that if I finished early to try and stop by. I said yes and left again. I heard my name again. It was the assistant principal calling me back over to B-5. I went and ended up having a short, no more than 5 minute conversation at B-5 and before the time was called for us to stop signing up for interviews, I had an offer to serve as a 5th Grade ESL teacher. I was completely taken aback. I hadn't even interviewed and I had a job....Was this real? Was this really happening replayed over and over in my mind?
Although I didn't necessarily want to teach those grades, for some reason while talking to the 2 women and reflecting on the experience, it felt right, it felt natural, as if this was where I was supposed to go, as if this was God answering my prayers, as if this was the direction and place God was leading me. I couldn't say no. So at 10am on Friday, June 21, 2013. I not only had a temp position where I would get paid the next Friday, but I also had an opportunity to take on a part time position at Old Navy (which I ended up turning down) and a permanent, salaried position teaching to begin in August.
My bills would be paid, I could fill up my pantry and now start making plans to pursue my dreams, pay off loans, save for future travelling trips and more. Needless to say a HUGE burden was lifted from my shoulders. I was saved. I no longer had to worry about how I would get the money to pay my bills, to have gas or to buy food. I no longer had to worry what I would do for money anymore. I no longer had to worry. Everything was given to me.
The moment I left the building the Hiring Event was housed in and got in my car. I screamed. I screamed again. I screamed so much and so loud that I could feel my vocal chords going raw and the onset of hoarseness coming my way. I couldn't believe it and still don't. Once I finally settled back at home. I couldn't stop smiling and looking up to the sky. I couldn't stop humming a random silly tune and saying thank you while closing my eyes. I was at peace and happy for the first time in a really, really long time. Even as I'm writing this the day after, I think I'm dreaming. It was too good, too easy to be true...right? But it was and it is. God answers prayers. Things do happen. Dreams can come true. Peace can be obtained. You only need to actively surrender...
