So today, as its raining, and I was on my high from Edward Cullen (the love of my life) this morning. I began doing some inner thinking. I tend to this a lot when I have time on my hands, but this time it was real. It was me being truthful with myself.
For a while, I used to complain about people and friends not caring about me or not treating me the way I treat them. I used to always feel isolated and outcasted from everyone else that was around me. I always felt like the victim, when no one would ask me to go places or do things.
But now, ever since I got back from Thailand...things just haven't been the same. I came back home and really didn't have the welcome that I thought I would. And me being the pessimist that I can be at times started to fall into that pit of despair once again. I began thinking that me being away really didn't matter to anyone and so on and so on. And things used to really affect me. But now months down the line....I just....don't care anymore...is that bad???
I don't mean to say that I don't care in the sense that I don't like my friends or the people that were in my life. Its like when people may ask me to do things or go places with them I don't get excited anymore and in some cases I have no desire to go at all. With some people, I don't even want them in my life anymore. But even more so I have realized that I've truly changed in ways that I didn't realize at first. I've changed and recognized sooo much in myself that I'm more confident in what I want, who I want in my life and who I am. It is because these realizations don't match up with certain individuals...that I just simply don't care to be around them or don't get excited to do things or even talk to them....is that seriously bad???
These days I'd rather be miserable because I don't have the people that I need in my life versus putting myself through suffering hanging around those that do not align with my opinions, beliefs or interests.
Don't get it twisted. I don't think I'm better than anyone, I'm just not settling for anyone anymore. I'm not settling for people who may talk behind my back if I don't match up with their criteria, I'm not settling for anyone that is close minded enough to bash me for my lifestyle choices. I'm not settling for anyone that I have to hide certain things from because of how they might react to it. I'm not settling for those who will smile in my face, but then talk about me behind back regardless if it is to one of their close friends or a Bob on the street. I'm not settling for those who cannot truly accept me for who I truly am. I'm NOT settling anymore.
I'm not going to try and repair any broken bridges...An old friend once told me that some people are only here for a season and others are here for a lifetime. I used to struggle with this concept continually. I would try and reach out to old friends and past flames with the hopes that something could remain. Instead these days, I accept it for what it is with no malice in my heart for seasonal hires, and put my focus into those that I know will be there for a lifetime.
For a while, I used to complain about people and friends not caring about me or not treating me the way I treat them. I used to always feel isolated and outcasted from everyone else that was around me. I always felt like the victim, when no one would ask me to go places or do things.
But now, ever since I got back from Thailand...things just haven't been the same. I came back home and really didn't have the welcome that I thought I would. And me being the pessimist that I can be at times started to fall into that pit of despair once again. I began thinking that me being away really didn't matter to anyone and so on and so on. And things used to really affect me. But now months down the line....I just....don't care anymore...is that bad???
I don't mean to say that I don't care in the sense that I don't like my friends or the people that were in my life. Its like when people may ask me to do things or go places with them I don't get excited anymore and in some cases I have no desire to go at all. With some people, I don't even want them in my life anymore. But even more so I have realized that I've truly changed in ways that I didn't realize at first. I've changed and recognized sooo much in myself that I'm more confident in what I want, who I want in my life and who I am. It is because these realizations don't match up with certain individuals...that I just simply don't care to be around them or don't get excited to do things or even talk to them....is that seriously bad???
These days I'd rather be miserable because I don't have the people that I need in my life versus putting myself through suffering hanging around those that do not align with my opinions, beliefs or interests.
Don't get it twisted. I don't think I'm better than anyone, I'm just not settling for anyone anymore. I'm not settling for people who may talk behind my back if I don't match up with their criteria, I'm not settling for anyone that is close minded enough to bash me for my lifestyle choices. I'm not settling for anyone that I have to hide certain things from because of how they might react to it. I'm not settling for those who will smile in my face, but then talk about me behind back regardless if it is to one of their close friends or a Bob on the street. I'm not settling for those who cannot truly accept me for who I truly am. I'm NOT settling anymore.
I'm not going to try and repair any broken bridges...An old friend once told me that some people are only here for a season and others are here for a lifetime. I used to struggle with this concept continually. I would try and reach out to old friends and past flames with the hopes that something could remain. Instead these days, I accept it for what it is with no malice in my heart for seasonal hires, and put my focus into those that I know will be there for a lifetime.
