On August 1, 2012, I decided to make a concerted effort to let go and flow. But more specifically to let go of my ideas, perceptions and beliefs and flow in the direction of life. It is now August 12, 2012 and it is only today that I realize why just flowing is so hard for me and may possibly be the same reason for anyone who is reading this.

Have you ever gotten upset because something just didn’t go your way? And I don’t mean huge life decisions like securing a job or buying a house. I actually am talking about every day, mundane decisions that for many are insignificant and trivial. I’m talking about when you’re relaxing in your room or a hotel or a nice café and you have your mouth fixed for that favorite dish or delicious cup of tea or your little brother disturbs you with loud music. And it takes everything in you not to go off or be vindictive or let it truly bother  you that they don’t have what YOU want…Hopefully I’m not the only person who has ever felt this way…

But today I realized the connection between this “trivial” anger and flowing with life…At least for me…

Although I decided to make more of an effort to let go and flow on August 1, it was on August 11, 2012 that I made the VOW to put more efforts towards flowing. I don’t want to be at odds with natural happenings of life. I no longer want to get upset or bothered by life not going according to plan. I no longer want to let one hiccup in the plan ruin my entire day or outlook of that day.

And it hit me as reception called to say that I cannot have MY chana masala because they do not serve it until dinner. I went downstairs to figure out why as the menu stated otherwise and his explanation was that it wasn’t because they don’t serve it at this time but rather they ran out of chana masala. I went back upstairs to decide my next plan of action. And that’s when it hit me. I was bothered because they didn’t have what I wanted. I was bothered because they didn’t have MY chana masala. I was bothered because lunch was occurring as I WANTED. (I know there are overwhelming hints of attachment here, but let’s not focus on that now…baby steps ;-) Things were not going the way I wanted them to go. I was holding onto MY.

I was not letting go and just flowing with the natural happenings of life. I was planning on “getting back” at the hotel and ordering from a restaurant that would deliver and never ordering from the restaurant again…BAAMMM…there goes the unnecessary tension and upset that I so desperately want to let go of. It was as I entered my room to order that “MY” was in the way of flowing. So instead of me seeking revenge for the lack of “MY CHANA MASALA” I just ordered something else and understood that it was okay. Restaurants run of products all the time no matter where you are in the world.

And as a result of me letting go of MY, I ended up having a wonderful relaxed evening. I ended up laughing and smiling about the smallest of things and was just…happy…

I'm not sure what's going on with me. My opinions, ideas, thoughts and future have changed drastically in just a matter of a few weeks. I've realized things that I once thought were for me are not. I've accepted things about myself that I was forcefully trying to cast off. I've changed in so many ways that I can't believe it. I've accumulated so many experiences both spiritual and worldly that I haven't been able to formulate into words...I'm currently sitting here in Abu Dhabi with my father, taking a break from India...An African American woman in the Middle East with her father taking a break from Master's fieldwork in India...who would have thought that 30 years ago I would be doing something like this...Am I being random???

I don't know...It's just lately...I think about everything...Everything that I have been blessed with...everything my family has been blessed...everything that has been created and from where...I don't know how to explain it, but it s like lately I wonder and admire how things have come to be both material and unknown...like how does a one day old baby know how to raise its arm without seeing or having someone tell them how...how was ballet invented...who decided that moving in such a way was good...how was dance created...who thought of coordinating their legs to music...heck who came up with music???...I could go on for pages, but I will stop here, because the point I want to make is this...I'm noticing all the magnificent things that make up the "mundane."

And that's a beautiful thing...Now it could be clouded because I'm living the "good" life right now...I'm on the beach, eating good food, able to go to one spot and get all the toiletries that I need, lounging reading and spending time with my dad...That  may all change when I get back to India where I don't have the luxuries of a one stop shop where i have to wash my own clothes in a bucket, adjust to electrical outages and be out of touch with my family...but right now... in this very moment I see beauty in everything and I'm going to take it all in until it is time that I can't...

*I had to get this out one way or another.*

To My Friend
You have been there for me
From beginning to end,
Helping me to mend that brokenness of me
To heal what I had left
And become complete.

To My Rock,
You have propelled me
Through all that's been put in my way
Building me up so that I can never bend
Backwards to the past
Able to overcome all that I have left behind me.

To My, My, My...Confidant
I have confided in you
Things that not even my Soul can know
With that you have taken me through
Unchartered territory.

With the caress of your hands
You electrify every nerve in my body
Sending surge, upon surge of pure ecstasy
That cannot be translated into words
Sending me to a place that can only be described as dark and steamy.

But to much dismay,
I arrive with a thud,
Unsure of what's next
Will there be a next, a tomorrow, a future for us?
Or is this all we have
Me left victim to your ability
To transform me into a being that only you can know.

To My, My, My...Sweet
I am your Bella
You, my Jacob
You have imprinted upon me
Like the DNA to my being
The feelings I have for you will never go away
At least not in this life.

You take on whatever form I need
To succeed in this chaotic illusion we call life
I'm stuck to you, unable to move
The love I have for you is beyond reproof.

No matter how hard I try
The energy between us is bonded with an adhesive
That not even God can break through.
We are tied together, forever and never
Ever-flowing through life's continuum

I think it's safe to assume
That you feel the same way
But the moment those words inked onto the pad
A flash of the past few months are etched into my brain.

The future of US will never play out
We are 2 souls eternally merged together in this great ocean
But on 2 different planes
And I'm unable to buy a ticket to get to you.

So what do we do, cause we are only here to stay?
Yet, we cannot find a way to end or move forward.

I guess that leaves us with...farewell...

So I know before you even click play you're probably wondering what is this dark bluish black screen??? Well it's actually an audio entry and I didn't want to go through the hassle of getting an audio hosting site and all that goodness. Instead I recorded an audio blog.

I discuss what I did for the last day of Paryushan which is the Day of Forgiveness. I decided to do a water fast and walk on foot everywhere that I went. While I walked, I tried to take in everything that was around me and I mean everything. I remembered to be patient and to reflecct on all the wrong and all the mistakes that I had make. I truly thought about what made me do those things and decided to make more of a conscious effort to not let those things happen again.

Hopefully, this time I will be a little bit more fruitful :-)

My soul, simply put, told me that it was my fault. My actions, my yelling caused him to react the way that he did. I lost myself and in doing so, I had to reap the consequences of that.









More profound than that was something else....My soul whispered to me to deal with it.

Over and over, I was telling myself to just go ahead and call it quits. I kept thinking of how I needed to start finding another job, so I could just leave. To call this person and this agency and this and that. But my soul was saying NO!













I had to deal with my actions, my problems and learn how to stay on my path in the midst of everything. To stop running away from my problems, to stop being a coward.















Although I had this epiphany on Thursday, I have not been able to shake the fear of losing my job to this very moment. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. When I feel or think like this, it makes me want to pick up my legs and start running.

















But today, I came home and watched the YouTube videos of an enlightened master. One in particular talked about my inner struggle of this past week.




























It reminded me of what my soul said...to be strong, don't run away, deal with it. I hope that you will be able to take something away from this...I hope you take away strength.

This week, I have had to swallow a very TOUGH pill (mind you I'm speaking of the week of January 2nd-8th).



I arrived back in Fort Worth on a Sunday afternoon. All was well with me, I did the sadhana that I learned from the retreat and slept well. That Monday work was good, it wasn't awesome, but it was good. Tuesday was my off day, but I did not sleep well.



All night, I dreamt about work and what I had to do and all the things I had to take care of. I just became filled with anxiety.



I woke up the next morning and performed my sadhana, but this time it was different. I had this intense feeling, this intense sense of intuition telling me that today was not going to be good.



Needless to say it wasn't.



For months now, I have not liked my job. The organization, tedious, consistent planning and the goal of my job. I have craved for a life of purpose of meaning. As my craving grows, so does my dread for work.



Now much of this could be associated from the fact that my boss is constantly riding me all the time. At first glance, one would think that I just had a crazy uptight boss, which in some small way that could be the case.



Long story short, my boss and I had a serious conversation. Things got out of control.



The whole week, I tried to remember the true nature of my soul and to remember the tips I had been given to combat anger. It didn't work at this time. The moment he started talking and bringing up this and that, I lost myself and the moment I opened my mouth, the fire was ignited.



To make the conversation short, my anger caused him to become more angry and in the end he threatened the security of my job.



Now the crazy thing is that I had a feeling that this conversation wasn't going to be good before walking in. A part of me wanted to get fired so I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. But at that moment, right after the conversation....I was scared.



I was scared of what would happened to me, what my life would be like, would I be able to go to grad school and so on. I walked out exhausted not wanting to fight, not wanting to deal with it. I was so mad, so angry, that I cleared out my office. I took everything that was a hint of Nichollette out and home with me.



I didn't perform sadhana that night, but I did the next morning. And something extraordinary happened.

This is a video about a few books that I've come across that I've either read completely or hope to read in the future.

For the past 6 weeks, I have been held prisoner in India by myself. I’ve been too afraid to venture out of the comfort of my room alone for fear of being harassed. I’ve been out visiting places with other participants in this academic program, but I haven’t been able to go the places that I want to. If you haven’t read my blogs, I’m a tad bit special. I’m not like many tourists who want to go to all the popular places that Lonely Planet lists as a must see…especially in India.

I want to visit the places that most people avoid and don’t care to see…the spiritual places that truly change and inspire you. But I don’t want to just go and see them. I want to experience them, soak in all that positive energy and just wallow in it. Just sit there and be transformed in some way. I want to see the spiritual side that makes India…India. 

Although, my main purpose (and should probably be my sole purpose) for this trip to India is academic. I’m here to go out into the field and collect data on Jain nuns. Women who have chosen to renounce the world in pursuit of truth, freedom from suffering and ultimately bliss. I know, I know that will be a spiritual adventure in itself, but why not free two birds with one key (like that twist don’t you…nonviolence ;-). Luckily my research is religious and spirituality focused which allows for me…almost requires me to frequent spiritual places such as temples, mosques, shrines, monasteries and pilgrimage places and more. So when I left for India back in May, not only did I want to collect a ton of information on Jain nuns, but I also wanted to solidify the direction my spiritual path is going to take. I want to find clarity and spiritual renewal while I’m here…Erase some of the clouds that have been hanging over me. Open doors that are keeping me from myself…But I won’t be able to experience any of it, if I’m afraid.

As I’m writing this blog entry, I’m residing in a semi-Monastic center known as the Root Institute in Bodhgaya, Bihar, India. If you don’t know, Bodhgaya is the place where Buddha sat in meditation under the great Bodhi tree until he obtained enlightenment (yeah I know).  This place is AMAZING. There are palm trees, jasmine trees and just green everywhere. The pace of the city is slow and quiet, so unlike the busy chaos which characterizes Varanasi but fear is still lurking in the midst.

I’m here with another male in the program, but he leaves before I do. So for 3 and a half days…I’m here alone. And that scared me. And it didn’t help that this town is filled with men and everywhere I turn someone is asking me where am I from? What is my name? How long am I here? Where am I staying? And here’s the kicker, “Are you alone?” 

 I began entertaining the idea of booking an earlier train back to Varanasi and just staying on the grounds of Root Institute until my departure, but then the voices of Elizabeth Gilbert and Rita Goldmen Gelman ring out. If you haven’t heard me mention Eat, Pray, Love or allude to it in anyway please check out this YouTube video, instead of reading about my relationship with that book. As far as Rita, she’s becoming my hero and is currently playing a major role in spiritual and travelling life.

Rita Goldmen Gelman is the author of “Tales of A Female Nomad.” Similar to Gilbert, due to an unhappy marriage and a suppressed hunger for travel, Rita ventures out into the world in her late forties in search of adventure and relationships with people of other cultures. But unlike, Gilbert she doesn’t set a specific timeframe of one year or limit her travels to 3 places. Instead she literally becomes a nomad. Selling off everything she owns with the exception of a backpack and a few clothes. And she travels to places she’s always dreamed of or places her old classmates suggest like Borneo. And in each place the length of time she spends varies from weeks to years.  Rita does this all as a single woman travelling alone. She befriends others along the way and takes risk, risks that many would describe as insane and uncautious. But she does it anyway and as such many doors are open which would otherwise remain closed for others. One of these doors allows her to stay in Bali for 4 years. 4 YEARS!!! Just on a recommendation of a passenger on a flight to Bali who gives her the name of someone in town. Rita goes to see them the minute she gets off the plane and they offer her a place to stay right on the spot. CRAZY right?!?!?! I want to be like her when I grow up… I want to be like her now.

I don’t want to let fear keep me from experiencing India from this blessing in disguise that I’ve been given. I will be living in India for another 5 months and how crazy would it be of me to stay locked up in my room the WHOLE time?  I want to take risks, I want to open myself up to what India and her people have to offer me. I want to seize those rare opportunities that come my way.  I want to live India. I want to have an adventure.

So with that...no more hiding, no more treating myelf like an inmate. I'm making a pledge to have no regrets and to walk through any door that opens. My father says he should have chipped me when he recognized that I was a flight risk. And maybe he should have because I'm about to take off ;-)

Last year, I was able to realize how connected our food is with the performance of our body. I noticed that when I was feeling sad or angry or frustrated, I would eat junk food. Buckets of homemade popcorn, french fries and chips. I actually wanted sodas too. I wanted anything and everything that was not good for me. At the time, I thought, "Oh some McDonald's french fries with honey and a coke will make me feel better right now." Or I would rationalize, "well if my body is craving it then it must be what it needs."

Did it? No.

Although there is some truth to your body needing what it craves, it's not necessarily the food itself but rather an ingredient or substance in the food that the body needs. So instead of eating the chips and french fries, maybe a vegetable medley that had potatoes in it would suffice.

I also noticed that as I would give in and eat, the more angry I got. At times I would spiral into full blown rage. The food wasn't helping, in fact it was making it worse. Not only would I get angrier, the anger would just chill instead of walking passed me. That spicy, sweet and salty popcorn didn't make anything better, especially not how I felt. Instead, it was kidnapping me and my captors were my emotions using the food as bait.  Can you believe that? Food trapping you in this dark, gloomy tomb....Well it was for me.

For a while, I couldn't make that strong connection. I had glimpses that I needed to take better care of myself, but it didn't truly set in until I read Awaken by my spiritual master. He stated that the body had to be cleansed first before I could really begin peeling off the layers of the mind. He stated that although the body is not who we truly are, it is what houses the soul, what houses us. That's when I knew that if I truly wanted to begin working on myself, I had to begin with the body.

On the spiritual path, getting to the soul is like cleaning a house after a flood in the swamps of Alabama that has been abandoned for centuries (I hope that created a vivid picture). Before you can even think about placing a foot on the steps, you have to take care of all the debris around it. How can I even fathom getting to my soul, if I have this huge wall of debris blocking me.

No wonder my meditations have been more of a struggle, my mind unfocused. Instead of working on cleaning the outside of the house, I've been feeding the inside even more dirt to keep me away. I have to start with my body. So in many ways, all the gym ads you see urging you to get to the gym are both true for your physical and spiritual wellbeing.

So with that I'm taking some advice from my spiritual master and the Bally's ads I see on tv. I'm not necessarily going to the gym, but I'm increasing my physical activity through yoga and breathing exercises. But most importantly, I'm watching what I eat.

No more junk food for me. No more popcorn, french fries and chips every week and definitely no more sodas. Instead I'm replacing them with water and juice, fruits, hummus and celery or pretzels. Light foods that will help me to feel better and start my body on this road of spiritual cleansing.  

For many who are trying to find their way to God, Truth, the Divine, etc., have encountered fasting in one form or another. In general, a fast is an act that includes ones detachment from food or drink. It does not necessarily entail abstention from all food and all drink, but it does require that one abstains from something for it to be considered a fast. This has taken the form of juice fasts, water fasts, potato fasts or absolute nothing fasts (no water, no liquids, no food).

What does abstention from food and/or liquids do for you spiritually?....DETACH.

One of the main obstacles on the spiritual path is our attachment to this world and things in it. When you partake in a fast, it is one of the most basic forms of practicing detachment. When you consciously decide that I am not going to eat any foods and only drink juice or water, you are mentally and physically detaching from food. Although this practice of detachment is on a small scale, it has a profound impact on the individual who does it.

*But PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE remember that if you have never fasted before it is not something to do lightly. It is best to fast in the presence or under the guidance of a master or a nutrionist or someone who is knowledgeable. Your body is used to eating and to just stop especially if you have medical issues is not a good thing. You have to know when your body has been pushed to its limit and when its time to stop and recover.*

I've found in my experience of fasting that I have more energy. What? How can you have more energy? Because I'm not concerned with all of the tasks and thought processes that go into eating, I have more energy to focus on other things...let's say....reading, writing, schoolwork, professional work or better yet...my sadhana. I'm not giving attention to my hunger or my body saying it wants food. I'm not thinking about what I have in the refrigerator or the pantry to eat. I'm not thinking about what I'm going to eat with my rice or what vegetables I'm going to fix with my beans. Even further, I'm not thinking about what dishes are clean that I can use to cook so that I can eat or what dishes I'm going to have to clean after I'm done cooking so that I can eat. Do you get the picture? All of the time and energy that is put into eating is able to be directed elsewhere when I fast.

Seeing as though I fast for spiritual reasons, I try to focus that energy towards my sadhana allowing for me to dedicate more time and energy to something that helps me get rid of karma and get closer and closer to knowing who and what I am, to FOCUS on soul, on me instead of food. In doing so, I gain CLARITY when I'm confused or in doubt about anything whether it is spiritual or non-spiritual.

Fasting is a way for me to re-focus on what really matters in my life....SOUL. It allows for me to see things more clearly than I would on a day when I'm allowing my hunger to have priority.

After a peaceful morning of reading and writing, I decided to check my email at the internet café that was about a 5 minute bike ride away. As I’m checking my emails and sending out a couple, I notice a noise coming from outside, but because I was too paranoid of all the Indian men surrounding me I didn’t dare look away from computer screen until I was ready to leave. And sure enough the little pitter patter that I heard was none other than the beginning of a huge rainstorm…aka monsoon season has finally hit India.

For a while, I never thought it would come. Something I’ve never experienced, I was hoping to be able to walk through knew high puddles of water while holding my sari up or ride a bicycle through the rain like the locals or at the very least sit outside on someone’s patio and just watch. Now the latter two,  I could have taken care of today, but seeing as though I was wearing a white skirt and my Kindle with me, I wasn’t too keen on riding my bike through the rain. Instead what I got was an extra wet tuk tuk ride with the bike riding side saddle. It was one of the most liberating moments in my life (even though it lasted for less than 3 minutes). I know I know it may sound like a stretch but here me out…

For the past 6 weeks, I’ve been beating myself up about not enjoying myself and being too afraid to go out on my own and just enjoy every moment that I have in India. As such, I’ve been restricting myself to the safe compound of the campus grounds we’ve been staying in or waiting to go out only when a large group does which typically means sacrificing the experiences and places that I want to see and moments I want to add to my memory book…Flashbacks of my time in Thailand started to arise. I was so afraid of what would happen if I went against the rules of safety for women travelling alone, especially those travelling alone in India. I was putting myself in a prison.

Even as it was raining today, instead of doing what I wanted to do (which was ride in rain or at least walk to a tuk tuk in the rain) I listened to the Indian men who told me to wait the storm out. So that’s what I did I waited and I waited like I had been doing since I arrived in India. I was a good little girl and followed the rules, followed the directions that were given to me. As I sat there, thoughts of liberation and freedom began to arise. Didn’t I set out to free myself from prescribed norms and illusion while I was in India?  Didn’t I say that I was going to do things for me and no one else? Hadn’t I learn from my past regrets of playing it safe in Thailand?

So the next tuk tuk I see (which so happened to pull right up to the internet café), I jump up to ask him to take me and my bike home. He does. I run out in the rain, hoist my bike into the back of his tuk tuk and squat on the seat, tucking in my white skirt with one arm holding my bike and the other holding onto the rails. I felt like a big little kid :-p

As he rode and I was splashed by rain, I couldn’t stop smiling. We dove into chai colored puddles and I squinched as to not let a drop touch me, but secretly hoping to get splashed and just enjoyed riding through the rain. I watched as we passed little Indian boys intentionally jumping in the puddles and groups of little Indian girls walking as if they weren’t completely soaked. I saw teenagers riding their bikes and racing to get home. I saw… joy and I had a little peace of my own in the middle of a storm.

For the first time, I woke up HOT and my night's rest wasn't all that great. This was a direct result of electricity failure in India. I haven't had an A/C room during my time in Varanasi when I probably should have seeing as though it is on average 108 degrees but feels like 116. But I was doing fine without it...until last night.

Throughout the night, I tossed and turned, spread out and curled in, among other things and desired so much to uncover any layers that were surrounding me to help with the heat. But some how I think I managed to get a few decent hours of sleep in. But when I awoke this morning, I was still very hot and I had a gosh awful headache.

Usually when this has happened in the past few weeks, I would complain and throw a pity party of how I'm going to have to suffer through things like heat and lack of electricity for another 5 months.  Which would then lead me to think of ways that I can cut my trip short and go home. But for some reason this morning, I didn't have such a thought. I mean yes I thought it was hot, but I was smiling about it. Taking it all in versus complaining about it.

I know this may not sound significant, but it stuck out to me that I wasn't bothered by my headache. I didn't worry that I was going to suffer from heat exhaustion again. Instead, I just readjusted myself and laid back down, staring at the walls, concentrating on the wind that the fan was blowing against my skin, staring outside of my window at the mango trees and the rays of light shining through them and just thinking about me being in India, in Varanasi, the holiest place in the world. The heat was insignificant to all the beauty and blessings that were surrounding me...

*The view outside of my window in Varanasi.

Dear Friends,

     I just wanted to share a little quote that literally just came up in class and expound upon how I feel about it. I'm sitting in a class about Integrating Modern Science and Spirituality. And at the bottom of one of the professor's slides in red writing was the quote,

"It doesn't matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going."

      Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to go into the past. Back to who I once was adn wondering if my past was so bad so tainted and had such a stronghold that it was not possible for me to reach my future, spiritually that is. I've been surrounded by individuals who have already renounced and seriously taken up the spiritual path and others who have had profound spiritual experiences and those who are so relaxed on the path that they have lost all expectations and hence are at peace. When I reflect on what I know about them and their journey to get to all these various points, it doesn't seem as bad as mines. When I hear about them it makes feel like I have committed "too many sins" to overcome them and reach the destination that I so seek. But today in class this simple quote popped out at me and helped me to see that all though my past has to be dealt with. The only way it will keep me from walking towards my future is if I allow it to.

     I think of stories I've heard about very successful individuals who had it rough when they were younger. Prominent, World Changing Individuals such as Martin Luther King, B.R. Ambedkar and Rosa Parks. And I also think of individuals such as Tyrese, Hill Harper and others who are not known, one of which I've just recently met on this trip. Despite their rough histories, regardless if it was a resutl of race, drugs, a broken home, finances, juvenile delinquency or a combination of the former, they have risen above it all. They used their history to make them who they are today. And now they are highly successful individuals, some are philanthropists, public roles models and more. And had they allowed their history to dictate their future they wouldn't have made an impact on the lives of so many, such as myself.

     Now I completely understand that this may be cliche, overdone or a very simple concept that everyone knows and has probably encountered at one point in their life, but I have found that when you hear things from those you love at the most random of times, you tend to be more inspired, more likely to act on that advice and take it to heart than you would any other time. So this is for those who have yet to hear this from someone they know, from someone they love :-)

    


     So if you're feeling down and out, overwhelmed, pressured or inadequate, don't let yourself hold you back. Don't let what HAS happened, determine what WILL happen.

     I've been in India for the past month and even though it is one of the most spiritually filled countries in the world, I still have not been able to reconnect with my spiritual path as I had hoped. My sadhana practice was still floundering and I had no idea how to get back.

     For the past few days, I mulled over my favorite spiritual phrase lately, "Starting Over." If you've read my previous blogs, you know how frequently this has been mentioned on my spiritual path. Well I was doing it again. But this time I had inspiration from my fellow colleagues and namely a young woman named Zalpa ;-). On an extra long train ride from Jaipur to Varanasi, my group had many intriguing, funny and yet engaging conversations. And of course with all of us having religious or philosophical backgrounds, God, Truth, "The Search" was bound to arise. As we talked about these things and I was asked the typical questions of why the spiritual path or why this or that, it made me think of why I began my spiritual path and why I'm continuing it now. And I realized that my original motivations have changed. I have put so many rules and regulations on my spiritual practices...when I should do them, how I should do them for how long and how many times. I was approaching it like a daily task or a chore. The desire, the spark was gone and the only way for me to get it back is to return to the beginning. I have gotten so bogged down with shedding karmas and watching my thoughts, speech and action that I was overwhelming myself and losing sight of my initial craving. I have go back to the simplicity of the first day. I had to go back to my original motivation of simply wanting to be free, to have peace and truly know God.

     Over the course of our conversations, Zalpa mentioned her work for her Master's Thesis which was based on a book that she carried around for years from the age of 16. And this book was not "religious" in the sense that it was a part of any religious canon or referred to as a central authoritative text for any religion, but rather it was her canon. A book that gave her so much inspiration and guidance for her life. It was a book filled with inspirational poetry by the Sufi poet, Hafiz. And I was so inspired by her and the effect the book had on her that I wanted to read it too. I've heard of the beautiful poetry of Sufis and how their unconditional, never-ending love for God has taken them to bliss. I've always been interested in the mystical side of Islam so I figured why not.

     So last night, I ordered a copy of "A Year With Hafiz: Daily Contemplations" by Hafiz and Daniel Ladinsky. And although this is not the exact same book that she first read, I figured having one poem a day to reflect one would be a good start for me (and it was the cheapest ;-).

     The book of course starts with January 1, but I figured I can start in the middle of June and work my way back around. If the Universe, if God wasn't trying to speak to me this morning I don't know what or who was. The first poem or rather the contemplation for the was the following poem called, "Pick the Lock,"




"There are so many keys on your ring, so many fine spiritual sayings you can recite, and maybe so many pictures of saints in your house.

But you rarely work hard enough, peer deep enough, to pick the lock.

You should have stopped reading pages ago, if not in this book, in another,

And just sat down and done whatever it took to grab God by the tail and pull Him from a cave in you."

                                     -Hafiz and Daniel Ladinsky
                                      A Year With Hafiz, 2010



     About a year ago, I was saying to myself and to one of my spiritual teachers that I've read so many books and I've explored so many different methods and techniques that I have no idea where to start, but I knew it was time for me to stop reading and just DO. Isn't that crazy? Those last few lines truly spoke to me and resonated so deeply with my current status on the spiritual path. It made me ponder over why I feel the need to be so scheduled, so regimented, so organized with myself. Thinking it has to be this way or that, this time and that time when instead I should just sit down and do whatever comes from my heart. Hafiz has reminded me of the call for action to just do it instead of waiting around, reading book after book for something to happen, to get rid of all the rules and just flow from my heart. 

On a Sunday morning in Rajasthan, India, I had the amazing opportunity to check out a part of Jaipur that I don't think many tourists get to see. If it had not been for the efforts of Sita (for the purposes of confidentiality names have been changed ;-) my ISSJS colleagues and I were able to take a Heritage Walk around the Old Pink City side of Jaipur.

The Heritage Walks were started by a group of history buffs that wanted to take their knowledge back home and booster pride and historical knowledge about their home towns. I think that's personally amazing. I barely know anything historical about Fort Worth. I could tell you where to go eat, shop, cycle, picnic and the most beautiful spots there, but I couldn't give you the background, the journey it took to get there. So the fact that these Jaipurians (???) can divulge so much cultural information is so interesting.

But anywho, Sita arranged for one of these walks and we got to walk around the backstreets of Jaipur and you wouldn't believe the world that's back there. When I first went to this part of Jaipur I thought it was filled with bazaar after bazaar. I never imagined that there were people living behind them and the cost to stay there is baffling. Just a mere 50 or 60 rupees a month which equates to about a dollar, but that comes at a cost. The conditions were shocking and would be unimaginable for many Westerners. And yet, many Indians or at least many of the one's in Jaipur live this way and choose to live this way (according to the guide). I can't explain the conditions in words and that's where the wonderful invention which is photography comes into play.

I took many pictures, but I will only select a few impactful ones for this blog...