It has been quite a while since I have posted to my blog. I never knew that moving to a new place and graduate school would take this much out of me. I have cried so much that it is unfathomable for those who know me. But each time, I have picked myself back up.
At first I thought that I was still attached, attached to the idea of being in love with someone. I've been trying to deal with this attachment so that I can find my way to REAL LOVE. The love I've spoken of in a previous blog. And I realized that my way of dealing with it, wasn't actually dealing with it. I thought that I had gotten to the source, but that was an illusion.
After exhausting every possible method that I could think of, I turned to my Guru for assistance. I told him of my issues and asked was this normal? what should I be doing? am I attached? and more.
He informed that loneliness is normal. I have moved to a new place, alone and I need to find individuals that are like me. He pointed out to me that attachment is when you cannot live without someone. Loneliness is just simply that, loneliness; we all need companionship. This made me feel a LOT better, but he never really gave me a clear cut answer or solution to getting rid of my emotions and feelings.
After we hung up the phone, I pondered over our conversation and everything that I've learned so far. It hit me. My emotions and feelings will always be there; what matters is how I let them affect me. I can't let them take me away from my path, my vows and the positivity that I should have in my life. I fret on not having the person I love be here with me, call me all the time, respond to my text immediately. I get worried when I don't hear from them after days upon days. And I'm letting them affect me. I'm letting them take me away from the blessings I've been given. It has been hard for me to concentrate on work, school and myself because now that my emotions are out in the open they are all I can think about.
I know there is nothing malignant going on, but I can't help but realize how my mentality has changed now that wall has fell down. How will this play out? How long will this last?
I found the source of my emotions, they have come to the surface and instead of continuing to fight and suppress them I just let them flow and keep flowing. And here I am.
Although I may know where the source of my loneliness and feelings is coming from, I know it will take time to close it up. My emotions are coming to the surface and as a result are intensifying because I know where and why they were created.
I can't use force to stop them, I just have to let them come and come and come. This is going to be extremely hard especially if things turn out badly. But in either case, I hope that one day, they will come and won't have as big an effect on me.
So for now, I will keep flowing and flowing like a river, trying not to let any pebble or huge rock stop me :-(
At first I thought that I was still attached, attached to the idea of being in love with someone. I've been trying to deal with this attachment so that I can find my way to REAL LOVE. The love I've spoken of in a previous blog. And I realized that my way of dealing with it, wasn't actually dealing with it. I thought that I had gotten to the source, but that was an illusion.
After exhausting every possible method that I could think of, I turned to my Guru for assistance. I told him of my issues and asked was this normal? what should I be doing? am I attached? and more.
He informed that loneliness is normal. I have moved to a new place, alone and I need to find individuals that are like me. He pointed out to me that attachment is when you cannot live without someone. Loneliness is just simply that, loneliness; we all need companionship. This made me feel a LOT better, but he never really gave me a clear cut answer or solution to getting rid of my emotions and feelings.
After we hung up the phone, I pondered over our conversation and everything that I've learned so far. It hit me. My emotions and feelings will always be there; what matters is how I let them affect me. I can't let them take me away from my path, my vows and the positivity that I should have in my life. I fret on not having the person I love be here with me, call me all the time, respond to my text immediately. I get worried when I don't hear from them after days upon days. And I'm letting them affect me. I'm letting them take me away from the blessings I've been given. It has been hard for me to concentrate on work, school and myself because now that my emotions are out in the open they are all I can think about.
I know there is nothing malignant going on, but I can't help but realize how my mentality has changed now that wall has fell down. How will this play out? How long will this last?
I found the source of my emotions, they have come to the surface and instead of continuing to fight and suppress them I just let them flow and keep flowing. And here I am. Although I may know where the source of my loneliness and feelings is coming from, I know it will take time to close it up. My emotions are coming to the surface and as a result are intensifying because I know where and why they were created.
I can't use force to stop them, I just have to let them come and come and come. This is going to be extremely hard especially if things turn out badly. But in either case, I hope that one day, they will come and won't have as big an effect on me.
So for now, I will keep flowing and flowing like a river, trying not to let any pebble or huge rock stop me :-(
