For the first time, I woke up HOT and my night's rest wasn't all that great. This was a direct result of electricity failure in India. I haven't had an A/C room during my time in Varanasi when I probably should have seeing as though it is on average 108 degrees but feels like 116. But I was doing fine without it...until last night.

Throughout the night, I tossed and turned, spread out and curled in, among other things and desired so much to uncover any layers that were surrounding me to help with the heat. But some how I think I managed to get a few decent hours of sleep in. But when I awoke this morning, I was still very hot and I had a gosh awful headache.

Usually when this has happened in the past few weeks, I would complain and throw a pity party of how I'm going to have to suffer through things like heat and lack of electricity for another 5 months.  Which would then lead me to think of ways that I can cut my trip short and go home. But for some reason this morning, I didn't have such a thought. I mean yes I thought it was hot, but I was smiling about it. Taking it all in versus complaining about it.

I know this may not sound significant, but it stuck out to me that I wasn't bothered by my headache. I didn't worry that I was going to suffer from heat exhaustion again. Instead, I just readjusted myself and laid back down, staring at the walls, concentrating on the wind that the fan was blowing against my skin, staring outside of my window at the mango trees and the rays of light shining through them and just thinking about me being in India, in Varanasi, the holiest place in the world. The heat was insignificant to all the beauty and blessings that were surrounding me...

*The view outside of my window in Varanasi.

Dear Friends,

     I just wanted to share a little quote that literally just came up in class and expound upon how I feel about it. I'm sitting in a class about Integrating Modern Science and Spirituality. And at the bottom of one of the professor's slides in red writing was the quote,

"It doesn't matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going."

      Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to go into the past. Back to who I once was adn wondering if my past was so bad so tainted and had such a stronghold that it was not possible for me to reach my future, spiritually that is. I've been surrounded by individuals who have already renounced and seriously taken up the spiritual path and others who have had profound spiritual experiences and those who are so relaxed on the path that they have lost all expectations and hence are at peace. When I reflect on what I know about them and their journey to get to all these various points, it doesn't seem as bad as mines. When I hear about them it makes feel like I have committed "too many sins" to overcome them and reach the destination that I so seek. But today in class this simple quote popped out at me and helped me to see that all though my past has to be dealt with. The only way it will keep me from walking towards my future is if I allow it to.

     I think of stories I've heard about very successful individuals who had it rough when they were younger. Prominent, World Changing Individuals such as Martin Luther King, B.R. Ambedkar and Rosa Parks. And I also think of individuals such as Tyrese, Hill Harper and others who are not known, one of which I've just recently met on this trip. Despite their rough histories, regardless if it was a resutl of race, drugs, a broken home, finances, juvenile delinquency or a combination of the former, they have risen above it all. They used their history to make them who they are today. And now they are highly successful individuals, some are philanthropists, public roles models and more. And had they allowed their history to dictate their future they wouldn't have made an impact on the lives of so many, such as myself.

     Now I completely understand that this may be cliche, overdone or a very simple concept that everyone knows and has probably encountered at one point in their life, but I have found that when you hear things from those you love at the most random of times, you tend to be more inspired, more likely to act on that advice and take it to heart than you would any other time. So this is for those who have yet to hear this from someone they know, from someone they love :-)

    


     So if you're feeling down and out, overwhelmed, pressured or inadequate, don't let yourself hold you back. Don't let what HAS happened, determine what WILL happen.

     I've been in India for the past month and even though it is one of the most spiritually filled countries in the world, I still have not been able to reconnect with my spiritual path as I had hoped. My sadhana practice was still floundering and I had no idea how to get back.

     For the past few days, I mulled over my favorite spiritual phrase lately, "Starting Over." If you've read my previous blogs, you know how frequently this has been mentioned on my spiritual path. Well I was doing it again. But this time I had inspiration from my fellow colleagues and namely a young woman named Zalpa ;-). On an extra long train ride from Jaipur to Varanasi, my group had many intriguing, funny and yet engaging conversations. And of course with all of us having religious or philosophical backgrounds, God, Truth, "The Search" was bound to arise. As we talked about these things and I was asked the typical questions of why the spiritual path or why this or that, it made me think of why I began my spiritual path and why I'm continuing it now. And I realized that my original motivations have changed. I have put so many rules and regulations on my spiritual practices...when I should do them, how I should do them for how long and how many times. I was approaching it like a daily task or a chore. The desire, the spark was gone and the only way for me to get it back is to return to the beginning. I have gotten so bogged down with shedding karmas and watching my thoughts, speech and action that I was overwhelming myself and losing sight of my initial craving. I have go back to the simplicity of the first day. I had to go back to my original motivation of simply wanting to be free, to have peace and truly know God.

     Over the course of our conversations, Zalpa mentioned her work for her Master's Thesis which was based on a book that she carried around for years from the age of 16. And this book was not "religious" in the sense that it was a part of any religious canon or referred to as a central authoritative text for any religion, but rather it was her canon. A book that gave her so much inspiration and guidance for her life. It was a book filled with inspirational poetry by the Sufi poet, Hafiz. And I was so inspired by her and the effect the book had on her that I wanted to read it too. I've heard of the beautiful poetry of Sufis and how their unconditional, never-ending love for God has taken them to bliss. I've always been interested in the mystical side of Islam so I figured why not.

     So last night, I ordered a copy of "A Year With Hafiz: Daily Contemplations" by Hafiz and Daniel Ladinsky. And although this is not the exact same book that she first read, I figured having one poem a day to reflect one would be a good start for me (and it was the cheapest ;-).

     The book of course starts with January 1, but I figured I can start in the middle of June and work my way back around. If the Universe, if God wasn't trying to speak to me this morning I don't know what or who was. The first poem or rather the contemplation for the was the following poem called, "Pick the Lock,"




"There are so many keys on your ring, so many fine spiritual sayings you can recite, and maybe so many pictures of saints in your house.

But you rarely work hard enough, peer deep enough, to pick the lock.

You should have stopped reading pages ago, if not in this book, in another,

And just sat down and done whatever it took to grab God by the tail and pull Him from a cave in you."

                                     -Hafiz and Daniel Ladinsky
                                      A Year With Hafiz, 2010



     About a year ago, I was saying to myself and to one of my spiritual teachers that I've read so many books and I've explored so many different methods and techniques that I have no idea where to start, but I knew it was time for me to stop reading and just DO. Isn't that crazy? Those last few lines truly spoke to me and resonated so deeply with my current status on the spiritual path. It made me ponder over why I feel the need to be so scheduled, so regimented, so organized with myself. Thinking it has to be this way or that, this time and that time when instead I should just sit down and do whatever comes from my heart. Hafiz has reminded me of the call for action to just do it instead of waiting around, reading book after book for something to happen, to get rid of all the rules and just flow from my heart. 

On a Sunday morning in Rajasthan, India, I had the amazing opportunity to check out a part of Jaipur that I don't think many tourists get to see. If it had not been for the efforts of Sita (for the purposes of confidentiality names have been changed ;-) my ISSJS colleagues and I were able to take a Heritage Walk around the Old Pink City side of Jaipur.

The Heritage Walks were started by a group of history buffs that wanted to take their knowledge back home and booster pride and historical knowledge about their home towns. I think that's personally amazing. I barely know anything historical about Fort Worth. I could tell you where to go eat, shop, cycle, picnic and the most beautiful spots there, but I couldn't give you the background, the journey it took to get there. So the fact that these Jaipurians (???) can divulge so much cultural information is so interesting.

But anywho, Sita arranged for one of these walks and we got to walk around the backstreets of Jaipur and you wouldn't believe the world that's back there. When I first went to this part of Jaipur I thought it was filled with bazaar after bazaar. I never imagined that there were people living behind them and the cost to stay there is baffling. Just a mere 50 or 60 rupees a month which equates to about a dollar, but that comes at a cost. The conditions were shocking and would be unimaginable for many Westerners. And yet, many Indians or at least many of the one's in Jaipur live this way and choose to live this way (according to the guide). I can't explain the conditions in words and that's where the wonderful invention which is photography comes into play.

I took many pictures, but I will only select a few impactful ones for this blog...